People going through a divorce can often rapidly change their relationship with social media. On one extreme, a person may not want anyone (including a soon-to-be ex-spouse or nosy third parties) snooping in on their business, or they may just not have the bandwidth for seeing other people’s highlight-reel family photos while going through their own personal battles. Other people may see sites like Facebook as the place where they vent, get things off their chest about their spouses, find solace, and maybe even get reacquainted with old friends who may have fallen by the wayside during the marriage (or meet new friends now that their relationship status is heading towards single).
But posting on Facebook during a divorce comes with some significant risks that you should keep in mind. Certainly, you probably do not need to avoid social media altogether during a divorce (although a divorce attorney may tell you differently for your specific situation), but here a few things to keep in mind.
What You Post May Reflect On Your Fitness as a Parent
Although many states, including California, do not consider fault (e.g. adultery, cheating, etc.) when granting a divorce, the courts will conduct a deep examination of the character of both parents when making decisions regarding custody and visitation matters. Pictures on Facebook or references to you partying all night long, having extremist views, or being on the arm of a dubious significant other prior to your divorce can raise questions as to your ability to provide a stable home life for your child and encourage contact with the other parent, issues a court will closely examine.
Making Your Soon-to-be Ex-Spouse Jealous Can Easily Backfire
It is not at all uncommon for a person going through a divorce to feel hurt and wounded by the other spouse and to want to “get back at them” or “show them what they are missing” through postings and photos about your new life relating to new boyfriends/girlfriends, new purchases or housing, vacations and so on. If you must do that, wait until after the divorce is finalized, as reaching a positive divorce resolution with minimal expense and delay is often dependent on both spouses being willing to work together and make concessions, which is generally not served by trying to rub your spouse’s face in your great new life without him or her.
Showing Off Your Fancy Life Can Contradict Your Filings
Furthermore, in your divorce you will be required to file extensive declarations with the court regarding, among other things, your financial assets, income, and expenses. These are used in determining property distributions and setting spousal support and child support. But if you post references to financial matters which contradict your filings (e.g. posting a picture of your brand-new $50k car while telling the court you don’t have enough money for rent), you could be in big trouble.
Seek Actual Connection to Work Through Problems
Finally, whether your actual legal and/or financial concerns are affected by what you post on Facebook or not, you should consider the emotional consequences of what you post and whether you are better off sharing information and feelings with people on a personal basis. It is natural for a spouse who has perhaps always shared his or her feelings with the other spouse to feel lost and turn to social media to express himself or herself when the spouse is out of the picture, but actual relationship will beat social media chatter anyday.
For any questions on family law in California, contact the Law Office of Kelley C. Finan today to schedule a consultation to discuss your circumstances.